My depression, which I haven't had one for the past few months, decided to come back for a visit.
I don't remember when was the last time that I cried so hard. I was choking on my own sobs, it got harder to breathe as I cried.
I thought that it was going to be easy for me to reach out to people and ask for help, but I just couldn't do it. I felt like a burden to everyone. I was hoping that everything would go away quickly. It wasn't easy you know, feeling all emotions all at once. It just gets so overwhelming.
It's easy for me to hide the pain behind a smile and tell people everything is fine but it's not easy when I'm all alone, at night, it's just emptiness.
Do you what it feels like, to have family and friends surround you yet, you still feel lonely, empty and isolated at the same time?
I never knew how lonely I was until last night.
That's the kind of feeling I have to deal with every single day.
But then again I realized that, in life, all you need is yourself cause not everyone is going to be there for you. No matter how many time you've been there for them, you just can't expect everyone to do the same.
So I took some time out and just think about what I could do to cope with all these thoughts and so far music really helps, when you've got no one to talk to. I tried sleeping it off as well, but I doesn't really work well for me.
And after spending some time crying, I finally calmed down. But I felt no emotions, just total emptiness.
I guess that's the cycle of depression for me. First you feel all emotions at once and then feel completely empty after that.
Dealing with depression is not that easy. It's life draining. I don't want to feel like this anymore, it's really tiring.
Right now, I'm doing all I can to keep on going. I don't need therapy. This isn't the first time I've dealt with depression.
Writing in this blog helps me cope with most feelings.
I hope everything feels better. I hope I feel better.
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