Today I woke up, feeling so bitter. I don't feel like myself anymore.
Something inside me just sort of snapped. I was done. I am done feeling like this.

Ever since I had a crush on someone, everything I do just sort of revolve around him, like I had to depend my happiness on him. I'm always wanting his attention. But I am done.

I don't have to depend on anyone on my happiness anymore. I guess that's the reason why I ended up feeling like this in the first place. Feeling so pathetic and so alone. And today, I just sort of snapped myself out of it.

I want to focus on myself now. I want to do things without seeking approval from others, that's the way I can truly live and be myself.

I'm setting myself free...free from all this misery. I'm not going to take a huge leap that fast, it takes time, just like everything else.

I'm not perfect. Never said that I was. The reason why I'm myself today is because I've been through some tough shit. It's not just me who has been through so much, I'm sure a lot of people have, sometimes even worse. That's why I'm grateful for what I have now.

I also want to thank a very good friend of mine, Viven, for not giving up on on me. She offered to talk but I told her this is something I had to handle on my on and that, I'll talk to her about it next time. I know that she always got my back no matter what

I feel so blessed to have such friends around me, words just cannot express the gratitude I have towards them.

Now that I got everything off my chest. I can breathe better. Not necessarily feel better but everything just feel great at the same time. 

shit loads of stuffs.

Update 1

I always have a lot of things going on in my mind, but I somehow, wasn't able to put those thoughts into words. I thought typing it down on my blog will work but still, I find it difficult to do so. So I will try to sort out this messy mind.

So a lot has been going on with my life at the moment, ever since I started college including meeting tons of new friends which is good for me, I guess. I'm also very near to the end of my first semester real fast. I'll be sitting for my finals on August 3rd, which will be two weeks from now. My first thought was like, wow... time really flies fast. First I was in my first day of class and now I'm here, doing my finals real soon. And it's only my first semester, I still have 3 semesters to go until I complete my certificate course.

To be honest, ever since I started college, I've been busy. That's what college does to everyone doesn't it? I currently have 2 Individual assignments to complete and 2 group assignments which I have yet to start on and what's more unappealing about it is that 3 of them are due on the same day, that is one week from now. I can feel the rush now. I have this habit of procrastinating and doing things last minute which is really bad and yet, I still have time to blog... lol

But I think I can manage. Well I hope I can do it..in order to pass this semester, I must!

Update 2

Lately, I've been thinking of getting a tattoo. I've always wanted one ever since I was 17 but I was illegal to get one by that time. And when I turned 18, I could get them done but I couldn't decide and afraid I would regret after getting it done. 

But now, I'm like fuck it, if  the tattoo means something to me, I'll get it done. Even if it doesn't mean anything to me at all, I'll still get it done if I like the tattoo design. Besides, tattoo is art after all. I just have to think wisely on the design and where I get it tattooed.

I'm also planning to get my nose pierced. I just don't care what people will think of me anymore.

Beside all of that said, I will end this post here and update some other time because I don't want this post to be extremely long. 

And I should probably get back to working on my assignments. hahaha...bye 

xx